Once again.....Dancing Bruce can Dance!
Community 1, WSM/Carr Mill 0

In a turn of events that left the Carrboro community stunned, the combined forces of the Carrboro Aldermen(and women), our mayor, our state representative, a chorus of ten thousand voices, a few scrappy hoopers, the thundering voices of protesters, a little logic and some common sense helped to put an end to this black period in Carroboro's illustrious History. In the decades and centuries to come, historians from all over the world will be looking at this event that almost changed the course of town history and trying to figure out exactly what happened.

"From my perspective," one local modern historian told The Carrboro News, "Ain't nothing happened! Some folks made a mistake and fixed it!"

Using the best of our investigative skills and in dire need to get enough information to help us make this a full page story we asked him to elaborate on his ideas.

"Well, look at it like this.... Bruce is dancing on the lawn... he ain't a performance or nothin'.... he's just a guy dancing on the grass.....but you have to remember.... he's dancing on a lawn, which is supposed to be grass, but there is no grass.....so it's not really a lawn.... so.... we got this guy not performing on a lawn that's not a lawn.... So, some cop comes up to him who's not a cop and tells him he can't perform on the lawn..... you can imagine Bruce's surprise.... he thinks the guy's talking to someone else behind him or somethin'..... Bruce thinks to himself " I'm not performing...and I don't see a lawn anywhere around here....and this cop isn't a cop.... " You can imagine his total confusion...

"Well, Bruce stops dancing....and it turns out that the reason he was asked to stop dancing was because someone complained that he was dancing.... but then you get about 500 people un-complaining about his dancing..... the autorities figure out that they caught a rat by the tail and have to figure out how to get rid of the ting before they gets bit. What do they do? They confuse us.... they talk about performances and sign ups and cleaning up garbage and only one performance a week and how the community and the community have to learn to live together because the community has certain common space that the community must respect if the community is going to live with the community.

"Then Weaver Street Market volunteers to help sign up performances that never were performances and clean up garbage that was never there before..... then they say that only one performer can perform at a time, but Bruce was never performing with anyone else..... so here we are making a rule that if Bruce wants to dance then he must sign up as a performer which is what he wasn't doing before that they said he couldn't do, but now they want him to do it. So now Bruce who was told he couldn't perform is now being told that he can't not perform if he wants to perform..... I'm telling you.... this stuff is crazy....

"So the autorities think...ok... it's all under control.... we got our rules, we got our performances and performance bookers and cleaner-uppers.....and we got Bruce back performing....but suddenly they realize that they didn't have Bruce back because Bruce wasn't going to sign up for a performance because Bruce was never performing in the first place. So we have a problem here.... ain't nothing happening on the dirt because this town don't got no performers.....

"So they have a problem....what they thought looked like a good idea and an even better solvation wasn't none of that because the problem that they said they had in the beginning was never a problem.... so they're trying to solve a problem that's not a problem... with a solution that's not a solution.....

"As you can imagine...anyone who thinks this one through is eventually going to realize that something has to be done even though nothing should have been done in the first place.... so they decide to fix what was fixed along until they broke it....and they say.... ok.... there is no need to sign up for performances.....no need to clean up the trash left from those performances and the insurance that we didn't have to cover performances wil probably cover someone who isn't performing....so what they actually did....was turned nothing into something and then back to nothing...so.... when I say ain't nothing happened....that's why.

"But mark my words....you ain't seen the last of these guys...... they'll be back"