Sharing the Wealth

As a well-established business in the Carrboro community, as both a newspaper and yacht broker for charter yachts in Greece, we recieve a myriad of offers to help honest hardworking people from all over the world disburse massive amounts of money.

Most of them have somehow been involved with someone who had an untimely death and left a huge amount of money, with no heirs and no record that they have access to this money. Not wanting to forfeit a chance in a lifetime to become wealthy and knowing that I am a reputable businessman living in the US, I am honored to have these people come to me for help.

I would love to help them out, but unfortunately I have committed myself and all my resources to producing the best newspaper in Carrboro and do not want to detract my time from my mission- no matter how wealthy I could become if I helped these people.

I have also been notified that I won a number lotteries but unfortunately I also do not have time for following up on these. In order not to let down those who have had confidence in me(and those who notified me that I won a lottery), I will pass these opportunites on to our readers, along with my comments so that they can pursue the opportunities. All that I ask is that you share your great amounts of wealth with our community so that we can be a better place.(A good place to start would be the schools. My niece(and all the other children) are being trained as salespeople as they peddle their wares to raise money for the school. I fear that the Carrboro-Chapel Hill School District is training too many salespeople and not spending enough time in the other academic areas!).

As this program becomes more and more successful, I anticipate that we will be able to funnel tens of millions dollars to our non-profits and schools so that our little ones can spend more time doing their homework and less time trying to convince their relatives to buy things that they don't need.(But maybe I missed the point here and the schools are actually using this mini-salesmanship program as a lesson to teach our children the virtues of a market economy(buy it and sell it, even if it's not needed), persistence(Don't leave until they buy at least one little thing that they don't want), the pitfalls of procrastination(it's a small community so you'd better get to your relatives before your schoolmates get to them first) and competition(get to enough of your friends and relatives and you'll win a plastic trinket).

With the introduction of this program, we hope to replace the dignity in our community that has slowly been stripped by the Bush budget that is forcing us to gut our services and beg for money.(Of course it's a small sacrifice if you consider that the money is now going to maintain the strongest, most powerful and most modern military in the world that can protect us from any enemy in the universe save a couple of rogue nations and a few rag tag terrorists!)