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Meet Our Press

The Carrboro News would like to introduce you to our news staff. Internationally acclaimed and legends in our own mind, we recognize that undoubtedly we have put together the best news staff in Carrboro. Although we have our areas of specialization, we are so well-rounded that each of us will write about any topic and no one article will be giving credit to any one correspondent. Selfless, egoless and shameless we will gladly share in each other's awards, successes and failures without the need for individual recognition.
(note: Normally we like to get the whole press corp together for one photo, but this group iss hard to pin down to one location at one time.-editor)

David Econopouly- David is the editor and oversees the publication and distribution of The Carrboro News. He has been marginally successful in everything he has ever done so he sees no reason that producing the best newspaper in Carrboro should have any different results. Growing up between the US and Greece, he developed a keen understanding that our allegiances are more a product of the randomness of where we happened to be born instead of any sort of divine right that propels any given group to the apex of the pyramid of international superiority. With no heros who he looks up to, and questioning the wisdom of even the wisest contemporary wisemen, David will be able to edit the news into a form more useful and personally pertinent than any other media source produced in Carrboro.

Mark Bowman- Mark hails from Athens, Ohio and brings with him that Mid-America small town perspective. He studied at Wharton School of Business gaining an MBA in the specialized field of "Small Liberal Town Economics" with a minor in Journalism specializing in "Small Conservative Town Reporting". Since Mark joined us, The Carrboro News has become a more well-rounded paper adding a red state perspective that was thankfully lacking until now.

Martin Henderson- Martin is from Dover, North Carolina and is studying at UNC. Majoring in Philosophy with a minor in Social Work. Recognizing that those two subject areas will lead nowhere, he has joined The Carrboro News to hone his writing skills. In the summer Martin works for Greenpeace and goes door to door soliciting donations. Once he graduates, he hopes to go to work for the Carrboro-Chapel Hill School district to train their students in the area of door to door salesmanship since that will open up a whole new stream of revenue as we will be able to bus our children to other communities to raise money.

Marceau Gurdeau(Brother of Francois)- Marceau represented France as a forward in the 1998 World Cup. Renouned for his devestating "head butt"(not butt head- as translated in French), all of France held it's breath for 90 minutes fearing Marceau would lose control of his furious temper and with it Frances bid to be the World Champion. To his credit, he was able to control his temper and subsequently France won The World Cup. Retiring in a hail of awards and in search of a higher adrenelin sport with more action and scoring(a good head butt is worth 5 points- more than most soccer players score in a whole season!)s, Marceau moved to Carrboro where he discovered the World Wrestling Foundation on TV. Like his hero Michael Jordan, Marceau came out of retirement and attempted to equal his soccer-success in wrestling. Unable to bulk up and lacking the high levels of testosterone to be succesful, Marceau abondoned wrestling after only one professional fight. The double twist back break that his opponent leveled on him left him with a concussion and loss of short term memory. His inabliity to recall facts makes him a perfect fit for the Carrboro News.

Mohammed Mustafe- Mohammed is our Palistinian addition to the staff. Tired of living in the modern reservations of Palestine, and losing too much sleep over the Israeli occupation(although he calls it a "surroundation"), Mohammed moved to Carrboro. With Mohammed on our staff we are able to get a full picture of the middle east conflict through the eyes of the oppressed, instead of the oppresser who claims to be oppressed. When not reporting for The Carrboro News, Mohammed is working on his Foods for Peace Cookbook, a compilation of Israeli and Palistinian recipes. "The Road to Peace begins in the Kitchen!", Mohammed claims. "Once we realize we like the same foods, we're halfway there." Copies will be available exclusively from The Carrboro News once its completed.

Pedro Riviera- Pedro is our marine correspondent. Brother of Geraldo Riviera(That's Jerry Rivers until he realized that Hispanic was in and he could market Geraldo Riviera more profitably). Originally from Puerto Rico he didn't realize he could enter the US as a Puerto Rican resident. He took the circuitous route through Mexico, arriving in The US twenty years ago after jumping ship in New Mexico on a canoe trip up the Rio Grande, he slowly made his way to Carrboro, following the great waterways. With extensive experience sailing the world as a member of the Mexican Merchant Marines, he will be reporting on Lake Jordan, University Lake, Bolin Creek and any of the other major waterways within twenty miles of Carrboro.

Patrick Whiley- Patrick Whiley is our Carrboro-Chapel Hill School correspondent and is in the process of developing the "Carrboro's Kidz" section of The Carrboro News(coming out on Fridays so as not to interfere with our children's doing homework and selling). Forever procrastinating, we're not sure when his column will be released, but he has a spunkiness that The Carrboro News seeks out in it's correspondents. Suspended from Carrboro Elementary School for "farming overly-exceptionally long hair", Patrick loves to flaunt authority. He showed up the next day, scissors in hand, sat across from the principal, looked him in the eye(with the same silly grin as you see here), and proceeded to give himself a haircut(as seen here also). It's his exceptional ability to flaunt authority at such a young age that makes him welcome at The Carroboro News.

Dimitri Brodovin- Dimitri joins us from Bulgaria. A masterful musician who plays almost every instrument mainstream Carrboro has never heard of, he recently picked up the electric guitar. Originally fancinated by the Gypsie Ballads of Macadonia and searching for a Carrboro revue to perform in, he became disappointed to the point of severe depression by the lack of demand for his talents. One gloomy morning, upon awakening in UNC's South Wing(see photo), Dimitri heard Def Lepard full blast on his $19 GMX boombox. The pure energy propelled Dimitri out of South Wing and right into the offices of The Carroboro News Music & Entertainment Department. Dimitri will be reviewing the local bands as well as playing with his band The Dimitri Brodovin Experience. Check The Carrboro News weekly to see where he's playing.

Francois Gurdeau(Brother of Marceau)- Francois is a failed artist, but an art critic of unequaled proportion. With his critical eye and failure to recognize the subtleties of major works of art, he is just the man The Carrboro News wants to report on the local art. Single handedly, Francois verbally trashed every major non-French work of art in the Metropolitan Museum. His unwavering allegience to the French and France is just the counterbalance we need for the state that bought us "The Freedom Fries".

Igor Stroganof- Igor, originally from Siberia, worked undercover for the KGB, as a writer in Moscow. He produced an untimely masterpiece called "Bolita", a novel in which the main character, a woman, becomes sexually obsessed with a pubescent boy. The novel was scheduled to be published in late 1955, but his work was upended by Vladimir Nabokov who published Lolita, only weeks before. Unwilling to give up his writing career and send his new found author friends to The Gulag, Igor escaped the Soviet Union in the late 1980's. He slipped under a train and rode it for three days. Upon jumping off his Freedom Train, Igor discovered that there were two Berlins. For the next 6 years Igor planned his escape from East Berlin and finally made his move, risking his life by crashing through the border and followed by a hail of bullets and obscenities, Igor gained his freedom- 6 hours before the fall of the Berlin Wall. Igor's incredible sense of timing and understanding of world events makes him just the man to lead The Carroboro News' International Division.
Honorary Members of the Press Corp
The following contributors have been given honorary Carrboro News writer status and are free to contribute if they choose. Most of them are too busy, but if they find a spare moment you can be sure that they'll submit

Tomas Krukoski- Tomas(pronounced Toe-mas) was born in a small Polish village and had a dream to come to North Carolina to play basketball for the legendary Dean Smith. Thinking that Carrboro, The Paris of the Piedmont, was a French speaking region of the US, Tomas begged his parents to change his surname to "La Garde", to help set the high expections in the French speaking community he was about to adopt. If he was going to be the best guard that North Carolina had ever seen he had to be sure his reputation preceeded him. As a 5'1" guard Tomas was stunningly FAST. "The Guard" was ready to make his mark and show the ACC what Polish Basketball was all about. Unfortunately two months before arriving he had a 2 foot growth spurt, was moved to center and never had the chance to show Carolina his moves. Although able to win a gold medal in the Olympics(badminton) and an NBA(National Badminton Association)Championship with the Seattle Slammers, Tomas finally realized that American Basketball didn't want a 7 foot guard so he took off to Italy where the game is less rigid and a 7 footer is expected to go out 25 feet to take a shot. The Guard excelled without the confinement of the American system. To this day If you go to an Italian basketball game, you'll still hear the crowd chant "The Guard, The Guard", every time a 28 foot shot swishes through the net. Tomas has agreed to be The Carroboro News' lone badminton correspondent and will keep all our readers up to date in his "What's Happenin' in the World of Badminton". Keep your eyes open for the first article. We'll publish it as soon as something memorable happens!


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