Bush Ratings Skyrocket as He Lets Shit Fly!

In a turn of events, not short of a miracle, George Bush's approval ratings shot up from a miserble 32% up to 98% in a matter of days. Unprecedented in poll history, the change in approval can only be the handiwork of Bush's brain, Karl Rove.

The Carrboro News was taken by surprise and when our poll results came in we could only scratch our heads in amazement and wonder how just the words "stop doing this shit" could have such a tremendous affect.

It was not until we reviewed our archives that the true genius of the ploy was understood. While living in The Bahamas, I made the astute observation that the word "'ting 'um" is completely understood by any Bahamian within earshot and can mean anything from the ketchup on the table to the car driving down the road to the airplane flying high overhead to the letter in the mailbox. However, unlike the Bahamian concept of a broad generalized term to mean one thing, Bush's use of shit had the opposite affect- each person took shit to mean what they percieved it should mean.

Individuals and organizations across the political spectrum, and around the globe all saw the same thing: The shit that has to stop being done was the very shit that they had been trying to get Bush to stop for 6 years.... and he finally came around!

Environmentalists saw shit that would be stopped as the pollution being released into our air, through the Friendly Skies Legislation which was actually an enemy to the skies. Anti-war advocates saw shit as the war in Iraq and that it had to stop. Lower class saw the shit that had to stop as the tax break to the wealthy. For those upset with the astronomical price of gas, the shit that had to stop was the price rise of gas.

Although the ratings went up to 98%, it was short of the intended goal. When Tony Blair inadvertently shut off the recording device(he was not informed that the ruse was on), he cut short the grand climax of the Rove plan which would have shot the approval ratings up to 100%. For those that didn't get the message as a result of Bush saying "stop doing this shit", the grand finale would have been a more emphatic "stop doing this Bullshit", which would have convinced even the most stubborn anti-Bush activist that Bush had finally come around to seeing the light.

As the genius of the political move is recognized by other politicians we will undoubted see more "shits" flying.

See how your neighbors would rate George Bush at the Mid-Term