Why Liberals Fail!

Ever wonder why George Bush was elected(twice now) and people who sound somewhat intelligent and have better ideas didn't? Of course, we're not counting the voting irregularities in both Florida and Ohio. Well this is the answer...in a nutshell!

The main reason liberals don't get elected can be understood if you just acknowledge the fact that I'm writing an editorial on why liberals fail. Liberals tend to explain and complicate ideas in a way that no other group can. They need to go into details, outline histories, have a vocabulary with words found only on the SAT's and make sure that all bases have been covered so that you have a good grasp of the situation from all perspectives.

Have you ever noticed that our TV commercials are written at a level for the average 3rd-grader? Have you ever wondered why?(uh oh...here we go again!). Have you noticed the crap that people watch on TV? Face it, we have a society that operates most efficiently on the 3rd grade level, but the liberals want to operate on the post-doctorate level. Slight communication gap?

I like to understand issues myself, but have to admit that in a lot of the Liberal magazines and web sites, my eyes go a little glazy after about 10 minutes(and I recognize how silly commercials are- imagine a post-doctorate explanation being read by the person who thinks the commercials are clever!).

Lets take the Republicans... they take simple issues(or simplify very complex issues), frame them in black and white and then hammer them into our brains until we are forced to succumb(or else we'll have to listen to them hammering them into our little heads until Armadgedon-which may be sooner than we think!). They take the issues of Gay Rights, The Pledge, Stem Cell Research, Iraq, North Korea, Iran, Terrorism, etc...- and then turn them into a Good/Bad, Us/Them framework. Simple, but ingenius! I mean, I'm not Korean, or Iraqi or a Terrorist, so I don't even have to think about where I stand on the issue, it's on the side of good!"

With three words, the Republicans have drawn lines that every red-blooked American(with a 3rd Grade education) can understand. North Korea, Iraq and Iran are the "Axis of Evil"(ok- Axis is a little advanced for 3rd-Graders so he probably should have said "Axle of Evil" or "Line of Evil"). Without having to discuss politics, history or anything else, we know where we stand....since we're not evil!

On the other hand, those on the left would need ten pages explaining the politics, history and effects of different options and then go on to repeat themselves in three slightly different ways to make sure that everyone has it! Who's got time(and the ability)to read ten pages? I sure don't and I doubt that our 3rd grade voters do either!

So if the liberals(I use Democrat and liberal interchangably although Joe Lieberman, the North's answer to Zell Miller, is proof that is inaccurate) have any hope of connecting with the general electorate, they're going to have to simplify and start imagining themselves as 3rd grade teachers addressing the classes.

Have I made myself clear, Children? Now, be good liberals, go home do your homework and come back tomorrow and we can try again after nap time!