July 16, 2006
Weaver Street Grass Baffles World Scientists!

Last week a team of scientists comprised of the world's leading grass experts descended upon Weaver Street Market in hopes of gaining a better understanding of the problem that has plagued Weaver Street ever since it's inception- Why doesn't it's grass grow?

In what has become recognized by some as a yearly ritual of planting the grass and by others as a possible sacrifice to the grass Gods, as surely as the spring arrives each year, the volunteers are out setting the sod. As you watch them gleefully laying the sod in neat little rows, their optimistic smiles are a contradiction to the feeling deep in their gut- the feeling that another grass season will turn to dust before the summer has even arrived!

The communities reaction is mixed- some people are truly disappointed that their blankets will be sitting in mud and dirt, instead of a nice fluffy fresh bed of grass. Others sneer knowingly and take pleasure from the wasted money and work. But the one positive thing that has come out of the sod debacle is the Weaver Street Grass Pool. With a following in Carrboro larger than the Super Bowl, citizens from all walks of life enter the pool in which the bettor must pick the date that the last bit of grass has disappeared, leaving a velvety field of green plastic mesh(which the kids love to play with and drag around- although, when I see them putting them in neat piles I'm not sure if they are acting in the role of children having fun or volunteers collecting the mesh to clean up the lawn.

In an effort to put an end to the cycle of failure, Weaver Street Executives sent out an SOS to the world community, offering free food and a blanket(to sit on in the dirt to watch the music) to any qualified scientist who would come and try to identify why the grass is such a dismal failure. And did they come- scientists(in the area of grass) came from Turkey, Greece, Germany, Holland, Japan and Iowa, but the ones that were held in the highest esteem were from Siberia and The Sahara Desert. If anyone could get the grass to grow, it would be these two. And in typical Carrboro fashion a pool was floated on which scientist would solve the problem.

The jury is still out, but the Greek scientist didn't impress his peers(or anyone else), when he posted the theory that the indicating that he had mistaken the green plastic mesh for an exotic fungus normally found in much cooler weather. The Iowa scientist suggested laying down Astroturf("Afterall, if it can handle 22 overly aggressive 250 pound football players in metal cleats for 20 weeks, it could handle a few families in their Birkenstocks(or bare feet)." His idea was well received until it was pointed out that there was a good chance that dog urine would break down the plastic grass, which would slow down the process, but would inevitably end with the same result-no grass.

It's looking less and less like the world scientists will solve this problem as the minutes tick by with no solution in sight. It is at this point that maybe we should look to our community and WSM members to offer their suggestions to Weaver Street Market. I'm sure they'd appreciate it.