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Weaver Street Market Contemplates Ban of Children!

In a turn of events that can only be called bizarre, a new children policy could forever change the face of Weaver Street Market. Long a heaven for parents who enjoy the freedom both they and their children have due to the large open expanse of space and the liberal attitude of Weaver Street Market.

I suppose if we had read all the signs correctly it wouldn't have been such a surprise as the movement to remove children began almost 8 years ago when Riki Hermanson first stated "There are too many kids here, I liked it back in the beginning when there were hardly any!" For those of you who don't know Riki, he was the engineer for his self-imposed two year personal boycott of Weaver Street because their leaking pond was a waste of water. Weaver Street is still reeling from the loss of Riki, but he has recently called off his boycott and now both Riki and Weaver Street Market are slowly getting back on their feet.

From that seemingly innocent beginning, the "Ban Children" movement progressed slowly, but more recently it exploded when dogs were offered the opportunity to join Weaver Street Market as members.

As usual, the response from the Weaver Street Market staff was mixed. One employee asked, "How could we have known it would come to this?" and then stated "This is bad, bad, bad for Weaver Street". Another employee was a little more optimistic, "The children don't spend much money and they're always running all over the store picking up little things and putting them down somewhere else! I doubt the dogs will spend much money, but at least they don't grab all kinds of things off the shelves and leave them where ever they happen to be when they get tired of them!".

As you can imagine the parents are very upset and are planning a major demonstration on Friday. "Had I known this was going to happen," one parent lamented, "I wouldn't have had two more children! Now what am I going to do, hang out at Chuckie Cheese? Fat chance, maybe when they get an organic, hormone and anitbiotic free extra large pepperoni pizza I may!". Other parents had a more vindictive streak as they tried to think of ways to get back at the dogs. Some parents volunteered to walk their cats on leashes up and down the sidewalks outside Weaver Street in hopes of working the dogs up into a frenzy while another parent suggested each member show up with ten dogs of their own. "We'll show those Dog People that their dogs can behave just as bad as our children!"

The Dog poeple on the other hand were elated. "Those children were a real inconvenience! I bring my three dogs here all the time and if one of them were to bite one a child, who do you think would get blamed? Now that we've gotten rid of the children, my dogs are finally safe!"

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